People in crisis often slip into all-or-nothing thinking. Their brains tell them.
- “Everything is falling apart.”
- “Nothing is working.”
- “I’ll never get through this.”
This kind of thinking made sense for our ancestors when “all” meant survival, but modern crises require a different kind of response.
One simple and powerful tool for countering all-or-nothing thinking is the “Yes, and…” technique.
What Is the “Yes, And…” Technique?
“Yes, and…” comes from improvisational comedy. The idea is simple:
You accept what the other person says (“yes”) and then add something new (“and”).
In improv:
- Person 1: “We’re stranded on a desert island!”
- Person 2: “Yes! And I’m allergic to coconuts!”
The scene keeps moving because both people build on what the other offers. You can use this same idea when supporting clients in distress. “Yes, and…” allows you to honor the client’s reality without getting stuck in it, minimizing it, or contradicting it.
Why “Yes, And” Works
People in distress often expect to hear:
- “But you’re overreacting…”
- “But you’re doing fine…”
- “But it’s not that bad…”
“Yes, but…” almost always invalidates emotions and increases shame.
“Yes, and…” does the opposite. It communicates that two seemingly opposing things can be true at the same time. This approach reduces defensiveness, increases collaboration, and helps the person shift out of their all-or-nothing thinking.
Eric Schmidt and Tina Fey give an excellent description of the “yes, and…” technique in her interview at Google.
Using “Yes, And” in Your Practice
Here’s an example from a job-search scenario:
Client:
“I’m so stressed. I’ve been looking for six months and haven’t had a single offer.”
Practitioner:
“Yes, that’s true; this has been a long and exhausting search, and you’ve had more than a dozen interviews. That tells us employers are interested. And the market has been rough lately, so this may take more time.”
This response validates the client’s struggle, highlights real evidence of progress, and helps the client shift from “nothing is working” to “some things are working and some things are taking a long time to happen.”
You’re not minimizing their distress. You’re expanding their perspective.
Reflection Exercise: Bridget
Take a moment to pause and consider the scenario below. You can reflect quietly, write a few notes, or skip this section if now isn’t the right time.
Bridget is a single mother in her early 50s with a background in nonprofit program management. Recently, her anxiety has been so intense that she says she can barely function. As you talk, she shares that she is juggling multiple responsibilities at once: caring for two children and a parent, managing a part-time job, paying bills, and searching for work. Bridget says she feels overwhelmed and wishes she could take a break, while also believing that taking a break isn’t possible given everything she’s responsible for.
- What parts of Bridget’s experience might you want to acknowledge first, without trying to change or reframe them?
- How could a “yes, and…” response help hold both her exhaustion and the reality of her responsibilities at the same time?
- What kinds of language might support flexibility or self-compassion without minimizing how constrained her situation feels?
This reflection is meant to explore how “yes, and…” can validate reality while gently expanding perspective. It is a communication approach, not a therapy technique, and can be used within non-clinical roles.
Remember to notice what you’re thinking and learning. Take a break if you need one.
When you’re ready, continue to Replacing “Should” Statements.
Disability and Mental Distress 